Phantom Sounds

Sometimes while I lay in bed with my eyes closed, I think I hear you open my front door. My heart starts to race, and for a moment I imagine you taking your shoes off, leaving it where you do. Imagining you go into my fridge, looking for a drink.

Then my lips start to tremble, and my eyes fill with tears. I open my eyes and sigh deeply. The front door is still closed and you are not there.

Sometimes I think I hear your keys jingling, or hear the clink of your glasses as you take them off. The beep on your cellphone, or the sound of you showering.

These phantom sounds, do they come from my mind, or my heart? Will you ever come back? I bought oranges today, thinking it would be good to make you a fresh slushie. Then I got home and realized you will never drink it.

Lonely nights, especially on summer weekends. The nights I always longed for us to be drinking wine together on a rooftop somewhere. My lipstick on the glass and your lips, with your hands on my waist. I am sure you are doing that right now, while I am here alone on my laptop. Others enjoying the company of your smile, the shimmer in your eyes, hearing your hearty laugh, and filling their souls with bits of your precious energy. You are happy with them.

How lucky they are. I left 2 apples in the fridge for you. I haven’t washed any dishes since you left. I haven’t done much of anything.

I wake up from a dream of you in the middle of the night and it is the most lonely and empty feeling. I want to be there with you. You’re fading me away, and you blame me for everything.

I am so lost without you. I bought 2 mangoes, one for you and one for me. How can I go on, pretending to live a normal life, when half of me is gone? Who am I kidding? You will never miss me or want me again.